remembering 26th november 2008

26/11-HORROR BEYOND IMAGINATION

“Thank you God for the good food-

Thank you God for all that you have given us,

Thank you for the…………

What was that sound?"

Was it a gunshot or a bomb-blast?

“Run! Run! run for your lives!

Hotel under attack by the terrorists!!”

It was the last prayer of a man who-

Died with his last meal in front of him.

“Hotel attacked-

Terrorists in every floor,

Please do not come out of your rooms,

Do not open your doors,

And shut down your lights.”

This was the last sms-

Sent to all in the hotel-

By a brave young employee,

Who soon died a silent death.

“Major,Get the terrorists in Taj-

Over and out.”

“Our nation is under attack,

We will not spare them ,Sir.”

The major led from the front,

Bringing down the guilty,

Suddenly a bullet pierced his chest,

And he fell on the ground.

“I could not finish the job for my country-

All my compatriots show no mercy.”

These were the last words of a soldier-

Who died for his motherland.

“Our country is under attack-

Our security is jeopardized,

The government has failed,

To give us protection.

I pay my homage to the brave men of India,

And announce a cash of 5 lakhs for the martyrs.

Let us be united-

And fight against terrorism.”

This was a fine speech by a leader of our Nation-

Before he went for campaigning for the election.

“I will not accept any money,

Can it bring back my lost son?

I will not allow politicians enter my house,

Can they give back my son?

Can their sympathies

Bring back the smile on my face?

I have lost a son-

A son who died for the Nation”

These were the last words of an inconsolable mother

Who saw her son cremated in front of her eyes.

A massacre that we will never forget,

A destruction that is beyond imagination,

A loss that is incomparable.

Mothers lost their children,

Women became widows,

And children became orphans.

The black smoke filled the sky,

The red blood stained the floor.

We the people of India bow to the brave men-

Who laid their lives for us.

Let us rise from the ashes,

And fight for our beloved motherland.

WHO WILL BELL MY CONFESSIONS?

It’s the exam time…..for all the MBA aspirants its time to try and bell the CAT. So I thought why don’t I set up an aptitude question for all my friends. The question too has a touch of reality to it. I have been asked this question by many but I had no answers to it. Whenever I am asked this question either I give contradictory answers or I am in dilemma. So I thought why not take the help of my intelligent friends to come to my rescue.

In the next part of my post I am going to make some confessions and provide some information. Then I put forward a question which you all have to answer. Please do it for me. I am desperately in need of some help. Anyways without further delay lets get started.

Read the following article to answer the question below

I have three friends namely A, B, C. All my classmates know about our friendship and whenever I am asked about my friendship with these three individuals I make sure I don’t portray any one person among them to be more special or closer to me.

These are a few statements I use to describe A,B,C when my inquisitive classmates ask me:-

1. “A is a very close friend. I share a lot of things with A.”

2. “B is one of my oldest friends in college and with whom I share almost everything.”

3. “C is also a very close friend of mine with whom I like chatting for hours, enjoy spending time with C."

Yes, I almost use the same statements to describe the individuals, but the problem arises when I am asked to chose among the three. But why should I chose among them?? I treasure every friend of mine. I want all of them to be my friends. Why cant I have more than one “CLOSE TRUE FRIEND”??

Honestly speaking I did not even bother thinking on these lines till my so called close friend A raised the issue. I had managed to maintain my healthy relationship with A,B,C but today when my “close friends” question my friendship I have no answer to them. So I hope you will help me answer one of the most important questions in my life till date.

“A,B,C are my close friends”…….but did my actions justify my saying? In the next few paragraphs you will get to know more about my relationship with the three individuals. I hope these facts clear all the confusion and you all can answer my question.

1>> MY FRIEND A :-

This person has been a “friend” of mine for the last one and a half years. A always tried to help me out whenever I was in trouble. I never shared anything with A on my own, but the person compelled me to talk about my problems. A also shared a lot of things with me. Soon our friendship extended beyond the college hours, thanks to A. A called me frequently and talked to me for hours listening to what I had to say and always had a piece of advice for my welfare. Honestly speaking I never paid any heed to them.

Yes I too played my role as friend. In the last two years I called up A just once on my own for a duration of 7 minutes( barring many 2-3 minutes calls for academic purpose). Till date I have forgotten all the promises I made to A as a friend and every time we had a fight I never took the initiative to sort it out. Somehow I never had the urge to sort out the matter. It was always A who came up to me to sort out matters. I don’t know why but I also lied to A on more than one occasions. Every time A tried to call me in the late hours I always had a reason to ignore A’s calls ( barring 2 occasions). But the very next moment I would receive either B or C’s call. But still A was there to talk to me whenever I wanted to or rather I was compelled to talk to show my allegiance to A.

I tried my best to be A’s friend and did all that I could do as a friend, but why does A raise questions about our friendship?

2>> MY FRIEND B :-

B has been a very close friend indeed over the last two years in college. Honestly speaking we hardly talk to each other in college as we both have different priorities in college. But we make sure( irrespective of who takes the initiative we talk to each other almost every day over the phone.) .B might take most of the initiatives but I too play my role by calling up the person if B fails to do so. B is a true friend, I share everything on my own without any obligation or compulsion. But again I lied to B on more than one occasion without any reason. The surprising part is every time I lied to B, I was caught red handed and I had no way out. I also forget the promises I make to B but I make sure I make up for them later.

I had many quarrels with B but every time I personally called up to apologize for my mistakes and talked to B for hours. I did not want to lose a friend like B. I always tried to keep in touch with B. I would make sure we talked to each other for at least 5 minutes every night. Of course when I am in deep trouble or we have a fight I call B up innumerable times and talk to B for 2-3 hours even during the late hours.

B knows a lot of things about me which many people don’t know and I don’t want this friendship to break.But is B my closest friend?? All my readers will answer the question.

3>> MY FRIEND C :-

C is another of my friends for the last two years. I spend most of my precious time with C. C cares a lot for me.C has always been there to support me whenever I have been in problem. But there is no denying fact that I have had fair share of my problems with C. But every time C misbehaved with me fought with me on petty things I always made sure that we remain friends. Every time I thought I had enough of friendship with C and would never talk to the person my inner sole forced me to forget all the pain problems and we were again friends. Somehow I always wanted to cling on to C as a friend. When it comes to anything related to C, I tend to forget all my other friends and C is of utmost importance too understands me and I share many things with C. Spending good time together in college is not sufficient for us. We both make sure we talk to each other at night over the phone. In fact the time slot 11.00 to 11.45 pm and 6.30- 7.00 am is dedicated to my friend C. I don’t receive any other phones during that time. I may have loads of problems but still make sure we talk to each other and spend good time together.

C has been someone whom I have always banked on and I need C for my support. I am too weak today to stand on my own without C. I don’t want to hurt C. The person might be irritating some times, quite cheap in attitude but still I have become immune to all these. I am ready to sacrifice my self esteem for a friend like C.

4>> USELESS INFORMATION

The last piece of information I am going to provide you all may be immaterial but may be it highlights my level of friendship with A,B,C from my side.

i)) I remembered C’s birthday. I wished C on the birthday and even gave a small present as a token of friendship.

ii)) I remembered B’s birthday. I wished B on the birthday but did not give any present because it did not come from within myself to do so

iii) I did not remember A's birthday.

Finally I have finished confessing everything.

Now I put forward the questions:-

Q1> Arrange my friendship with A,B,C in increasing order of friendship from my side.

Q2> Am I justified in calling A,B,C all of them my close friends??

I have done the simple part, now you all have the tough job in hand to answer my questions. I eagerly wait for your reply to solve this puzzle.

Please follow the following instructions when you answer the question:-

1>> There is no time limit within which you ought answer the question ( but please make it fast for my welfare).

2>> The information does not specify the gender of any of the individuals mentioned, so when you answer the question make sure you consider all possible conditions and combination before you draw to the conclusion.

3>> Make sure when you answer the questions you think from the perspective of the author and not A,B or C.

4>> School friend( also a college friend) of the author is not a part of the above question. He is class apart and will remain a friend forever. This question is only based on the three people the author knows for the last two and a half years.

PS:- Anyone who takes the pain of going through this post please also take the trouble to answer my questions and make any critical comments about me . I will always remain indebted to you for your support and help. I eagerly wait for your response……..Please please reply............

LIFE- A FULL CIRCLE


19th October,2008
Sunday
12.45 A.M.


Enough of poems. Let me venture into the world of unknown. Let me try something new. Hope you appreciate my attempt……

Sometime back someone told me "Life is a full circle. You start from and finish at the same point.” I laughed at his philosophical thought. Who knew after a few days I would be writing an anecdote on it and would surely understand the weights of every word of the phrase? Let’s begin......

It all started in the 1st year 1st sem. There were only strangers around. It was a new world for me. Soon our 1st internal exams were over, results were out. An unexpected 200/250 made me happy after many days. I was again smiling after a long time. The marks had another very special significance too. It brought with it a special gift--A FRIEND. A small tap on the back, a gentle smile and a simple word "CONGRATS".This turned a stranger to friend.

I do not know why or how soon the stranger became a friend. There were many questions unanswered-- What made me think the stranger could be my friend? What made me talk to her? Why did i smile when I saw my stranger turned friend? WHY???? I have no answer. May be I never thought on those lines. I only wanted to have a true friend and did not want to lose yet another friend. I wish I had given it one more thought. I only wish I had done that.

".....You are one of my closest friends. I share a lot of things with you.....", she said. Yes we soon became great friends. I trusted her and shared everything with her. She too reciprocated the same feelings. I was happy to be her friend, happy to help her whenever she needed it( hardly needed any help).....I was happy just to have her by my side. Thank you for being my "true friend".

Life is not a bed of roses. It has ups and downs. Mine was no different. Soon different shades of her character became prominent. And so did her priorities. It created differences......but I still tried to hold on to my friend. After all I remained indebted to her for making me smile again. Thus I never spoke out...I feared losing her. I always said to myself-" She is my friend. a great friend.....I trust her.....she can never go wrong.......I did not want to come out of the utopia. I wish I had acted a little carefully and come out of my dream.
As time flew at the rate of knots differences became more prominent. But I still consoled myself " this is temporary. Things are bound to improve. We will always remain the best of friends." I consoled myself “Things fall into place. That’s destiny".

But fortunately or unfortunately the situation did not improve........it worsened with every passing day. She had that same smile, same compassionate words but she was not the same person with whom I became friends. She was gradually becoming again the stranger. Her every action bore the testimony of her wanting to distance herself from me.........every time we talked to each other it seemed it was an obligation for her......it seemed she wanted to break free from the shackles of "FRIENDSHIP" But why did she do this? Had I changed over the period of two years? I had no answers. The worst part is she never said it. I asked her many times but she always created the same illusion-"I was her friend". I only expected her to be honest with me, then why did she not tell me that I was burden for her as a friend?? My inner soul told me "Move on Rakesh Come out of the utopia.U were never a friend.....you don’t deserve to be friend. I wish I had done that....but instead I trusted my friend more than myself. She said," Please give our friendship one more chance….. please…… please" How could I turn down her offer?? After all she was my closest friend. So I decided to take a different path......an unknown path.........a path that had no destination….a path that only had darkness at the end of the tunnel too.....but still it was my friend who wanted something

It was never the same old friendship as before. Though she always tried to portray the same old genuine friendship it was no longer the reality.....she had broken my trust, the reality was too harsh indeed...I could take it no more. I soon realized my mistake. She was never my friend, never trusted me and played with my emotions. Her smile veiled her true intentions. But why did she do this? What did she gain by playing with my emotions. Can someone please tell me why she broke my trust?? These questions remain unanswered till date.

It was now only a question of time before it was all over. And the auspicious day soon arrived. Third year, fifth sem., 1st internal exams were over...I was again standing right in front of her like in the first year, she smiled with the same innocence and spoke the same word she did two years back "CONGRATS"(for getting 170/250). That was the last time we spoke to each other in college. The same word, same smile that made a stranger a friend again made a so called friend a stranger. The cycle had been completed. The so called "FRIENDSHIP" Of two years completed its journey in the same beautiful way as it started. It was all over.

The friendship fell like a pack of cards. I had so many questions unanswered. Who will answer them?? I lost a friend (a true friend for me, but I was not even her friend). but why did this happen? Was I at fault? Why did she not come up to me and tell me that I was not fit to be her friend? Why was she not honest with me? Do I rightly deserve the pain, punishment agony for just trying to be a good friend of someone? Please someone speak out...please tell me where did I go wrong....Today my inner soul has no answers to my questions. I lost a battle against myself.

I know I need to move on and I will do so, but the wounds would never heal. It hurts immensely to lose a friend. Last but not the least Thank you STRANGER for wasting your precious time...thank you for teaching me a lesson that I will never forget. Thank you for trying to be a friend. Thanks a lot…….


P.S.:-All characters and incidents are completely imaginary.Resemblance to any person or incident is regretted .

THE LOSS

The warmth of the sun-
The serenity of the blue sky-
Made me feel at peace,
Gave me a reason to live,
Many warned me-
Of the trauma to follow,
But I did not fear because-
I thought happiness would always be there.

Soon the dark clouds veiled the sun-
And the lightning struck-
As the tranquility disappeared-
I stood there devastated,
One moment of devastation-
Shattered all my hopes and expectation,
Oh! what was my crime?
I only wanted to smile.

Today I find myself again-
Gripped by agony and pain.
I lost a battle-
Whose wounds would never heal,
As I see my hopes fall like a pack of cards-
All my confidence is shattered,
I stand helpless-
As I slowly embrace the world of loneliness.

Do you believe in honesty?
I believed in it.
Do you believe in loyalty?
I believed in it.
Do you believe in destiny?
I did not believe in it.
Why has destiny been so cruel to me?
Does my efforts have no value in front of destiny?

Oh! please someone help me-
Please tell me how can I be free-
Free from this unbearable pain,
That makes me cry all in vain.
I cannot take this suffocation-
Please let me out of this situation-
Please!Please!Please!
I want to be free.

HAPPINESS- A MYTH


Oh my beloved friend- the mirror-
Please tell me how do I appear?
"You seem to be the happiest of all"-
Your smile says it all".

What defines Happiness?
Does a smile mean we are happy?
Does success guarantee happiness?
Or seeing others make us happy?
Oh! mirror please tell me-
What makes you say I am happy?

How can I be happy-
When I see others cry?
When someones gain-
Is Someelse'e pain,
How can just a smile-
Show that I am happy?


As the lightning strikes us
And the dark clouds cover the sun's rays
Gone will be my happiness
As I am gripped by the sadness
Oh! mirror how can you define Happiness-
That has such a short existense?

Happiness is nothing but a myth-
That makes us believe what we want to believe.
It is is just a consolation-
That makes us see what we want to see.
Oh! my friend mirror please tell me-
What makes you feel I am truly happy?

FLICKERING HOPE


A hopeful man hopes-
His family survives a deluge.
A drowning man clings on-
To the last hope of survival.
I too hope to rediscover-
My lost happiness.

Yes, my sins are unpardonable-
And I deserve all the pain.
Let my blood flow-
And wash away my sins.
I hope against all hope-
To overcome this unbearable agony.

It is the hope of freedom-
From this suffering.
A hope, that there is light-
At the end of dark tunnel
It is this flickering hope-
That keeps me alive.

I know I am a loser-
Who lost his treasure.
I know I will never get it back,
May be it never belonged to me.
But I still wish-
It was by my side…….

The name of this poem was suggested by a person who was one of my closest friends till last week…….Yes even last week the person was there by my side…..but today I am alone………….I have lost a friend. And this poem is for my “FRIEND”.

Trust me it hurts……..it really hurts to lose a friend but who is to be blamed for it???
None other than myself. May be I did not deserve to have a friend or I was too dependent on the person. May be the person never thought that I was fit to be a friend and was there by my side just for the sake of it. May be I should have realized it and moved away for my friend’s happiness. I have been so selfish……..I thought about myself and not my friend.

But its better late than never. I need to make up for all the mistakes. I HOPE to cope up with this loss….I have to…………..its my last chance to give something back to my friend..or else it will be too late………

FRIENDSHP

When we were small-
We were asked by all-
“Do you have friends?”
We said “we have many”.
But then none of us knew that-
Friends are actually very special an few.
So how do we define it?
What actually is friendship?

For many a friend is someone-
Whom you can always trust.
For some it is just another person-
You come across everyday.
For some it is a give and take policy-
Where both stand to gain.
And for the hypocrites-
It is a mere obligation.

In friendship you should give everything-
But must expect nothing.
What you do for your friend is your duty,
And if you get something in return, it is bonus.

Always listen to your friends’ problems,

But never come out with your own in front of them.

Help them whenever they need it,

But never ask for any help.

You remain a friend of all,
Till you are there for them.
The day you need any help,
You become a burden for them.
You only live up to your friends’ expectations,
But you should have no expectations.
Because it is your responsibility ,
To sincerely fulfill your duty.

Today I may boast of many friends-
But are we really friends ?
Is it just an obligation for them-
To respond to my friendship

I want them as my friends-
But do they want me as their friend?
I can’t force anyone to be my friend-
May be I donot deserve to have friends.

LIFE SO FAR

Today when I have nothing to write -
And turn through the pages of my diary,
I relive my past days-
A past that made me smile,
And made me feel at peace.
A past that made me realize how wrong I was,
And actually how lonely I was.
A past which made me hard as a rock,
As the tears of my eyes dried.
How can I forget such a past?
A past that prepared me for the present.

Today when I have no more stories to tell-
And go through my poems,
I can clearly see my present-
A present where I have learnt to remain silent,
And let things fall into place.
A present Where I make myself happy,
When I see others smiling.
A present that has taught me not to expect anything,
And never crave for anything.
A present that has made me stronger,
And find happiness in this solitude.
How can I neglect such a present?
A present that will determine my future.

With all the blemishes and pains-
Of the present and the past out of the way,
As I think about my future-
A future that appears to be bleak,
That may only see me suffer,
A future about which I have no answers-
Will I have happiness or only tears?
A future which I am scared to face-
Because I am tired of loneliness,
Oh! the Almighty what does the future really hold for me?
Will I smile or only see others smiling?

FEAR

As I stand at the end of the tunnel-
Surrounded by complete darkness.
I feel the emptiness around me,
I can feel the solitude gripping me.
As I see her disappear-
I can feel the fear.
The fear of being a failure,
That made me a failure.

Bruised and battered in the battle,
Drenched completely in blood.
I fight a lonely battle,
Against my immense pain and struggle.
I wish she was there,
To save me from my fear.
The fear of being a failure,
That made me a failure.

It was I who decided myself,
That I did not deserve to get her.
So I decided to be silent,
And just be like any other friend.
I had to suppress my feelings for her,
Just because of my fear.
The fear of being a failure,
That made me a failure.

Today I have no more hope,
To get her back.
Because I dug a deep hole for myself,
And cannot even ask anyone for help.
Because it was I who decided,
To remain silent against my fear.
The fear of being a failure,
That made me a failure.

I had suppressed my feelings,
Just to see her smiling.
I was ready to face the pain,
If she stood to gain.
So I could not disclose my love for her,
Just because of my fear.
The fear of being a failure,
That made me a failure.

Today as I stand at the end of the tunnel,
Surrounded by complete darkness.
I wish I was a little brave,
And thought about myself.
Then I would not have to cry,
And could have fought against my fear.
The fear of being a failure,
That made me a complete failure.

SILENCE WILL BE HEARD

SILENT WARRIOR


You shout you cry,
I will remain silent.
You complain you try to argue,
I will remain silent.
You show anger you express your grudge,
I will remain silent.
Because I am a silent warrior,
Silence is my power.

When I am sad,
I remain silent.
When I am offended ,
I remain silent.
When I feel ignored,
I remain silent.
Because silence is my strength,
Silence is my only friend.

When I am in pain,
I am silent.
When I want something,
I am silent.
When I lose something,
I am silent.
Because silence makes me strong,
Silence helps me to protest against all wrong.

When I want to cry,
I have to be silent.
When I want to shout,
I have to be silent.
When I like someone,
I have to be silent.
Because silence cannot be heard,
And I do not wan myself to be heard.

When you left me alone,
I was silent.
When you betrayed me,
I was silent.
When you broke my heart,
I was silent.
Because silence gave me peace,
Silence was the only way out from the death kiss.

But how much more can I take
How long can I remain silent?
How can I come out of this loneliness?
How much more can I suppress my pain in silence?
How can I come out of this darkness?
How long will I be shielded by my silence?
Because one day my silence will heard -
But only after I die a silent death .

GET ACCUSTOMMED TO THE REALITY!!!

FAKE

Why should we appear to be happy?
When we are sad actually.
Why do we have to smile?
When we want to cry.
Why do we have to be silent?
When we want to speak out.
Why can’t we come out of this hypocrisy?
Why do we have to put up this fake identity?

Why should we listen to others?
When they are not there for us.
Why should we suppress our own feelings?
Just to see them smiling.
Why should we think about others?
When no one is there to think about us.
Why is the base of all relations so superficial?
Why are these things becoming so immaterial?

Why should we feel the pain?
When others stand to gain.
Why should we be the losers?
Just to see others as winners.
Why should we be concerned?
When they are least bothered.
Why should we suffer?
Why should we termed as “FAILURE”?

I too am a part of this society-
Who fears to face the reality.
I too have lost my identity-
And still searching for it in this world of hypocrisy.
How much more can I take?
Am I real or actually fake………