A SMALL EPIC

THE HUNTER AND THE HUNTED

PROLOGUE

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EPILOGUE

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NOSTALGIA

RETROSPECTION

1^st JANUARY 2008

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ARIES ( Mar18-April 20)

“Work figures especially strongly in 2008 for you, dear Aries. Some form of pleasant culmination in your professional life brings rewards and recognition. Still, despite the fact that you're loving your career this year, you are also working especially hard. The inclination is towards more detail work, and it can get to you at times.

Close personal relationships are not making big headlines for you this year, which could be a good thing, although you should definitely take some solid time off for recreation

This is a year 2008 when you might be required to take important decisions regarding your life

Health wise this year 2008 is good for Aries but should be careful about stress related complications such as loosing of weight and weakness in the body.”

Year 2008 was supposed to be a great year for me as per my horoscope. A year when I would we be diligent in my work, get due rewards, have good relationships with all and have good health. That sounds like a smooth sailing indeed. But was that the reality?

Was 2008 a year to cherish? Was it a year where I had more positives than negatives?

Lets find out –

Before starting let me give this analysis a name ( likes astrology stands for reading ones future). How about “ RETROSPECTION”. So let me begin my journey down the memory lane.

2008 OVERVIEW:-

JANUARY 08 – JULY 08

The new year like every year brought with it freshness, calmness and hope. The serenity in the blue sky, the bright sunshine, loads of best wishes from my friends and cousins on the first morning of the new year signaled a new beginning. A beginning that made me forget the past year and filled my heart with new zeal to start afresh…….a start to a year where I promised to smile, be happy and make others happy and enjoy myself to the fullest and shun my habit of smoking

The months of January and February were great. Getting back to college after a month’s lay-off, meeting friends after a long time was fun. Adjusting to the increasing burden of subjects and still managing more time to enjoy ourselves, bunking classes, chatting for hours outside college or in the playground with the setting sun in the background…..Oh! the fun and smile was back……..amidst al the crazy things we did there was peace and silence- mental peace and happiness……I was happy and lucky to have such great friends around me. It seems the predictions of the site was not very wrong---a perfect start to a “to-be” perfect year.

…….“The match is not over till the fat lady sings”………..how correct the saying is………how imprudent I was to start judging a whole year by two mere month. The best rather the worst was yet to come. March and April saw the start of a period where I had to redefine my outlook towards everything in life. It was a start of a learning curve that revealed different shades of people. It showed how complex things can be. The more I tried to get myself out of the chaos the more tightly it clutched onto me…….the smile disappeared. But still I tried my best to keep myself happy and make others happy. A smile on my “friends’” face made me smile too amidst the turmoil. I hope I was able to live up to the expectations of my dear friends.

As the month of April passed. so did my birthday. No one knew about it and even 2-3 people who knew my birthday forgot or did not have enough balance in their mobiles to wish me. Anyways no bitter feeling as I hate celebrating my birthday and the fault is mine. I should have informed them about my birthday. I am no famous personality or star that they ought to remember my birthday…………I apologize for having such high expectations.

The month of May brought with it more hurdles and I could cross none of them. I stood like a helpless person watching myself succumb under the pressure. I committed the biggest blunder of the year in this very month. A blunder that made me weak and dependent on a person. The blunder of sharing my secrets with someone I trusted blindly. This is what I did not want……….I did not want to depend on anyone. I again apologize for such act of callousness.

Two incidents dated 27^th March and !7^th April 2008 brought out the true colour of many among our department. We were the first department to be suspended in college twice in a semester( truly an achievement). Though we were not at fault both the times but I thank the teachers for taking such a stern step. It made us stand united in the tough times and highlighted the self-centered mentality of many. I better not get into such controversial topics. I respect every individual’s perspective.

Soon the semester exams were over and the much awaited holidays gave me a chance to

look forward to a fresh beginning from the month of August. But the holidays too taught me an important lesson- “Do all the good you can for your friends but never expect anything from anyone”. No one remembers you when your need is over. “A friend in need is a friend indeed” is a saying of the past.

There were moment of happiness too in these seven months. My 3^rd semester results were satisfactory beyond my expectations. I saw a few of my friends finding their love in their best friends and their smile made me happy. I was happy as I became friends with more people while I tried my best to cling on to one of my closest friends in college. I was also very happy for one of my friends as he slowly and steadily tried to overcome his agony and pain. Thank you mate for making me happy.

AUGUST 08 – DECEMBER 08

The holidays were over. College was about to open but where was my enthusiasm? Was I not happy to go back to college and spending gala time with friends? For the first time in two years of college I did not want to go back to college. My mind was still tired and my spirits had not yet rejuvenated. I did manage to get back to college and had the same smile on my face. But I was exhausted. Unfortunately things did not improve. They became worse with every passing day. The more I tried to hold on to my friend the more difficult it became .I was unnecessary trying to delay the inevitable. How selfish I was. The facts were right in front of me but I purposely ignored them. I feared the reality. I wanted to run away from the problem. I was a coward. I was a burden and tried in vain to be a good friend. Shame on me.

September-October finally saw the end of the friendship………….rather I lost a friend to whom I still remain indebted. The only friend with whom I spoke freely about myself. I know I disturbed, irritated,troubled my friend a lot in 2008. I hope I will not repeat it in 2009. I lost the battle.

Thanks to all these incidents I as expected could not adhere to my resolutions. On the contrary it was blown away by more black smoke. Kudos to me for such great achievement.

The month of November had more surprises in store. Four days before the semester practical exam I was down and out with chicken pox. Oh! What perfect timing to fall ill.

It was the fitting end to a perfect semester, a semester which could be truly called the semester of disaster. The exams were horrible as expected . but this was not the end of all. But this situation too taught me something very important. Come what may happen I have my parents to bank on. My illness may have spoiled my exams but brought me closer to my dad and mom. Thank you baba and ma for your support and love.

The month of December wrapped up the year with an ideal ending. My last try to patch up things with my lost friend was again a failure. I was again the culprit who made matters worse, but trust me I only wanted to sort out matters.

The semester also brought about new experiences. For the first time in life I got Incomplete in a subject. I thought I had failed in the exam but fortunately it was a mistake on behalf of the university.

Yes the semester also had moments of glory . Though I was not the part of the football team of I.T. I enjoyed every moment of our success and being crowned as the champions once again. I did play my role too. I was fortunate to get the opportunity to capture every moment of our victory on my cell phone camera. Thanks a lot friends for presenting me with such an opportunity. I was also back to talking terms with another friend whom I had lost because of certain difference of opinion.

This post would have been really incomplete without mentioning two close friends. One of them being a friend of over 10 years. I really treasure the person’s friendship. We may not speak to each other every day but he is and always will be a true friend of mine. The second person is the one who has finally overcome all his difficulties. His smile makes me happy and cling on to the hope that my problems and difficulties are nothing compared to his. Thank you friends!!!!

I thank all my friends who have made 2008 a memorable one. I hope I lived up to your expectations. I apologize to all if I hurt you somewhere down the lane. I wish you all success and happiness in the coming year

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1^st JANUARY 2009

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ARIES ( Mar18-April 20)

"Pioneering and courageous Aries is being called to times of incredible new growth and renewal. The considerable reflective time you have spent rehashing and deciding which avenue will best serve your highest purpose has shaken you to the very root of your personal belief systems. Through surrendering to your higher self, new realizations and golden opportunities you never thought possible are brilliantly opening up for you."

The new year like every year brings with it freshness, calmness and hope. The serenity in the blue sky, the bright sunshine, loads of best wishes from my friends and cousins on the first morning of the new year signals a new beginning. A beginning that makes me forget the past year and fills my heart with new zeal to start afresh…….a start to a year where I promise to smile, be happy and make others happy and enjoy myself to the fullest

CHEERS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!! :) :)

remembering 26th november 2008

26/11-HORROR BEYOND IMAGINATION

“Thank you God for the good food-

Thank you God for all that you have given us,

Thank you for the…………

What was that sound?"

Was it a gunshot or a bomb-blast?

“Run! Run! run for your lives!

Hotel under attack by the terrorists!!”

It was the last prayer of a man who-

Died with his last meal in front of him.

“Hotel attacked-

Terrorists in every floor,

Please do not come out of your rooms,

Do not open your doors,

And shut down your lights.”

This was the last sms-

Sent to all in the hotel-

By a brave young employee,

Who soon died a silent death.

“Major,Get the terrorists in Taj-

Over and out.”

“Our nation is under attack,

We will not spare them ,Sir.”

The major led from the front,

Bringing down the guilty,

Suddenly a bullet pierced his chest,

And he fell on the ground.

“I could not finish the job for my country-

All my compatriots show no mercy.”

These were the last words of a soldier-

Who died for his motherland.

“Our country is under attack-

Our security is jeopardized,

The government has failed,

To give us protection.

I pay my homage to the brave men of India,

And announce a cash of 5 lakhs for the martyrs.

Let us be united-

And fight against terrorism.”

This was a fine speech by a leader of our Nation-

Before he went for campaigning for the election.

“I will not accept any money,

Can it bring back my lost son?

I will not allow politicians enter my house,

Can they give back my son?

Can their sympathies

Bring back the smile on my face?

I have lost a son-

A son who died for the Nation”

These were the last words of an inconsolable mother

Who saw her son cremated in front of her eyes.

A massacre that we will never forget,

A destruction that is beyond imagination,

A loss that is incomparable.

Mothers lost their children,

Women became widows,

And children became orphans.

The black smoke filled the sky,

The red blood stained the floor.

We the people of India bow to the brave men-

Who laid their lives for us.

Let us rise from the ashes,

And fight for our beloved motherland.

WHO WILL BELL MY CONFESSIONS?

It’s the exam time…..for all the MBA aspirants its time to try and bell the CAT. So I thought why don’t I set up an aptitude question for all my friends. The question too has a touch of reality to it. I have been asked this question by many but I had no answers to it. Whenever I am asked this question either I give contradictory answers or I am in dilemma. So I thought why not take the help of my intelligent friends to come to my rescue.

In the next part of my post I am going to make some confessions and provide some information. Then I put forward a question which you all have to answer. Please do it for me. I am desperately in need of some help. Anyways without further delay lets get started.

Read the following article to answer the question below

I have three friends namely A, B, C. All my classmates know about our friendship and whenever I am asked about my friendship with these three individuals I make sure I don’t portray any one person among them to be more special or closer to me.

These are a few statements I use to describe A,B,C when my inquisitive classmates ask me:-

1. “A is a very close friend. I share a lot of things with A.”

2. “B is one of my oldest friends in college and with whom I share almost everything.”

3. “C is also a very close friend of mine with whom I like chatting for hours, enjoy spending time with C."

Yes, I almost use the same statements to describe the individuals, but the problem arises when I am asked to chose among the three. But why should I chose among them?? I treasure every friend of mine. I want all of them to be my friends. Why cant I have more than one “CLOSE TRUE FRIEND”??

Honestly speaking I did not even bother thinking on these lines till my so called close friend A raised the issue. I had managed to maintain my healthy relationship with A,B,C but today when my “close friends” question my friendship I have no answer to them. So I hope you will help me answer one of the most important questions in my life till date.

“A,B,C are my close friends”…….but did my actions justify my saying? In the next few paragraphs you will get to know more about my relationship with the three individuals. I hope these facts clear all the confusion and you all can answer my question.

1>> MY FRIEND A :-

This person has been a “friend” of mine for the last one and a half years. A always tried to help me out whenever I was in trouble. I never shared anything with A on my own, but the person compelled me to talk about my problems. A also shared a lot of things with me. Soon our friendship extended beyond the college hours, thanks to A. A called me frequently and talked to me for hours listening to what I had to say and always had a piece of advice for my welfare. Honestly speaking I never paid any heed to them.

Yes I too played my role as friend. In the last two years I called up A just once on my own for a duration of 7 minutes( barring many 2-3 minutes calls for academic purpose). Till date I have forgotten all the promises I made to A as a friend and every time we had a fight I never took the initiative to sort it out. Somehow I never had the urge to sort out the matter. It was always A who came up to me to sort out matters. I don’t know why but I also lied to A on more than one occasions. Every time A tried to call me in the late hours I always had a reason to ignore A’s calls ( barring 2 occasions). But the very next moment I would receive either B or C’s call. But still A was there to talk to me whenever I wanted to or rather I was compelled to talk to show my allegiance to A.

I tried my best to be A’s friend and did all that I could do as a friend, but why does A raise questions about our friendship?

2>> MY FRIEND B :-

B has been a very close friend indeed over the last two years in college. Honestly speaking we hardly talk to each other in college as we both have different priorities in college. But we make sure( irrespective of who takes the initiative we talk to each other almost every day over the phone.) .B might take most of the initiatives but I too play my role by calling up the person if B fails to do so. B is a true friend, I share everything on my own without any obligation or compulsion. But again I lied to B on more than one occasion without any reason. The surprising part is every time I lied to B, I was caught red handed and I had no way out. I also forget the promises I make to B but I make sure I make up for them later.

I had many quarrels with B but every time I personally called up to apologize for my mistakes and talked to B for hours. I did not want to lose a friend like B. I always tried to keep in touch with B. I would make sure we talked to each other for at least 5 minutes every night. Of course when I am in deep trouble or we have a fight I call B up innumerable times and talk to B for 2-3 hours even during the late hours.

B knows a lot of things about me which many people don’t know and I don’t want this friendship to break.But is B my closest friend?? All my readers will answer the question.

3>> MY FRIEND C :-

C is another of my friends for the last two years. I spend most of my precious time with C. C cares a lot for me.C has always been there to support me whenever I have been in problem. But there is no denying fact that I have had fair share of my problems with C. But every time C misbehaved with me fought with me on petty things I always made sure that we remain friends. Every time I thought I had enough of friendship with C and would never talk to the person my inner sole forced me to forget all the pain problems and we were again friends. Somehow I always wanted to cling on to C as a friend. When it comes to anything related to C, I tend to forget all my other friends and C is of utmost importance too understands me and I share many things with C. Spending good time together in college is not sufficient for us. We both make sure we talk to each other at night over the phone. In fact the time slot 11.00 to 11.45 pm and 6.30- 7.00 am is dedicated to my friend C. I don’t receive any other phones during that time. I may have loads of problems but still make sure we talk to each other and spend good time together.

C has been someone whom I have always banked on and I need C for my support. I am too weak today to stand on my own without C. I don’t want to hurt C. The person might be irritating some times, quite cheap in attitude but still I have become immune to all these. I am ready to sacrifice my self esteem for a friend like C.

4>> USELESS INFORMATION

The last piece of information I am going to provide you all may be immaterial but may be it highlights my level of friendship with A,B,C from my side.

i)) I remembered C’s birthday. I wished C on the birthday and even gave a small present as a token of friendship.

ii)) I remembered B’s birthday. I wished B on the birthday but did not give any present because it did not come from within myself to do so

iii) I did not remember A's birthday.

Finally I have finished confessing everything.

Now I put forward the questions:-

Q1> Arrange my friendship with A,B,C in increasing order of friendship from my side.

Q2> Am I justified in calling A,B,C all of them my close friends??

I have done the simple part, now you all have the tough job in hand to answer my questions. I eagerly wait for your reply to solve this puzzle.

Please follow the following instructions when you answer the question:-

1>> There is no time limit within which you ought answer the question ( but please make it fast for my welfare).

2>> The information does not specify the gender of any of the individuals mentioned, so when you answer the question make sure you consider all possible conditions and combination before you draw to the conclusion.

3>> Make sure when you answer the questions you think from the perspective of the author and not A,B or C.

4>> School friend( also a college friend) of the author is not a part of the above question. He is class apart and will remain a friend forever. This question is only based on the three people the author knows for the last two and a half years.

PS:- Anyone who takes the pain of going through this post please also take the trouble to answer my questions and make any critical comments about me . I will always remain indebted to you for your support and help. I eagerly wait for your response……..Please please reply............

LIFE- A FULL CIRCLE


19th October,2008
Sunday
12.45 A.M.


Enough of poems. Let me venture into the world of unknown. Let me try something new. Hope you appreciate my attempt……

Sometime back someone told me "Life is a full circle. You start from and finish at the same point.” I laughed at his philosophical thought. Who knew after a few days I would be writing an anecdote on it and would surely understand the weights of every word of the phrase? Let’s begin......

It all started in the 1st year 1st sem. There were only strangers around. It was a new world for me. Soon our 1st internal exams were over, results were out. An unexpected 200/250 made me happy after many days. I was again smiling after a long time. The marks had another very special significance too. It brought with it a special gift--A FRIEND. A small tap on the back, a gentle smile and a simple word "CONGRATS".This turned a stranger to friend.

I do not know why or how soon the stranger became a friend. There were many questions unanswered-- What made me think the stranger could be my friend? What made me talk to her? Why did i smile when I saw my stranger turned friend? WHY???? I have no answer. May be I never thought on those lines. I only wanted to have a true friend and did not want to lose yet another friend. I wish I had given it one more thought. I only wish I had done that.

".....You are one of my closest friends. I share a lot of things with you.....", she said. Yes we soon became great friends. I trusted her and shared everything with her. She too reciprocated the same feelings. I was happy to be her friend, happy to help her whenever she needed it( hardly needed any help).....I was happy just to have her by my side. Thank you for being my "true friend".

Life is not a bed of roses. It has ups and downs. Mine was no different. Soon different shades of her character became prominent. And so did her priorities. It created differences......but I still tried to hold on to my friend. After all I remained indebted to her for making me smile again. Thus I never spoke out...I feared losing her. I always said to myself-" She is my friend. a great friend.....I trust her.....she can never go wrong.......I did not want to come out of the utopia. I wish I had acted a little carefully and come out of my dream.
As time flew at the rate of knots differences became more prominent. But I still consoled myself " this is temporary. Things are bound to improve. We will always remain the best of friends." I consoled myself “Things fall into place. That’s destiny".

But fortunately or unfortunately the situation did not improve........it worsened with every passing day. She had that same smile, same compassionate words but she was not the same person with whom I became friends. She was gradually becoming again the stranger. Her every action bore the testimony of her wanting to distance herself from me.........every time we talked to each other it seemed it was an obligation for her......it seemed she wanted to break free from the shackles of "FRIENDSHIP" But why did she do this? Had I changed over the period of two years? I had no answers. The worst part is she never said it. I asked her many times but she always created the same illusion-"I was her friend". I only expected her to be honest with me, then why did she not tell me that I was burden for her as a friend?? My inner soul told me "Move on Rakesh Come out of the utopia.U were never a friend.....you don’t deserve to be friend. I wish I had done that....but instead I trusted my friend more than myself. She said," Please give our friendship one more chance….. please…… please" How could I turn down her offer?? After all she was my closest friend. So I decided to take a different path......an unknown path.........a path that had no destination….a path that only had darkness at the end of the tunnel too.....but still it was my friend who wanted something

It was never the same old friendship as before. Though she always tried to portray the same old genuine friendship it was no longer the reality.....she had broken my trust, the reality was too harsh indeed...I could take it no more. I soon realized my mistake. She was never my friend, never trusted me and played with my emotions. Her smile veiled her true intentions. But why did she do this? What did she gain by playing with my emotions. Can someone please tell me why she broke my trust?? These questions remain unanswered till date.

It was now only a question of time before it was all over. And the auspicious day soon arrived. Third year, fifth sem., 1st internal exams were over...I was again standing right in front of her like in the first year, she smiled with the same innocence and spoke the same word she did two years back "CONGRATS"(for getting 170/250). That was the last time we spoke to each other in college. The same word, same smile that made a stranger a friend again made a so called friend a stranger. The cycle had been completed. The so called "FRIENDSHIP" Of two years completed its journey in the same beautiful way as it started. It was all over.

The friendship fell like a pack of cards. I had so many questions unanswered. Who will answer them?? I lost a friend (a true friend for me, but I was not even her friend). but why did this happen? Was I at fault? Why did she not come up to me and tell me that I was not fit to be her friend? Why was she not honest with me? Do I rightly deserve the pain, punishment agony for just trying to be a good friend of someone? Please someone speak out...please tell me where did I go wrong....Today my inner soul has no answers to my questions. I lost a battle against myself.

I know I need to move on and I will do so, but the wounds would never heal. It hurts immensely to lose a friend. Last but not the least Thank you STRANGER for wasting your precious time...thank you for teaching me a lesson that I will never forget. Thank you for trying to be a friend. Thanks a lot…….


P.S.:-All characters and incidents are completely imaginary.Resemblance to any person or incident is regretted .

THE LOSS

The warmth of the sun-
The serenity of the blue sky-
Made me feel at peace,
Gave me a reason to live,
Many warned me-
Of the trauma to follow,
But I did not fear because-
I thought happiness would always be there.

Soon the dark clouds veiled the sun-
And the lightning struck-
As the tranquility disappeared-
I stood there devastated,
One moment of devastation-
Shattered all my hopes and expectation,
Oh! what was my crime?
I only wanted to smile.

Today I find myself again-
Gripped by agony and pain.
I lost a battle-
Whose wounds would never heal,
As I see my hopes fall like a pack of cards-
All my confidence is shattered,
I stand helpless-
As I slowly embrace the world of loneliness.

Do you believe in honesty?
I believed in it.
Do you believe in loyalty?
I believed in it.
Do you believe in destiny?
I did not believe in it.
Why has destiny been so cruel to me?
Does my efforts have no value in front of destiny?

Oh! please someone help me-
Please tell me how can I be free-
Free from this unbearable pain,
That makes me cry all in vain.
I cannot take this suffocation-
Please let me out of this situation-
Please!Please!Please!
I want to be free.

HAPPINESS- A MYTH


Oh my beloved friend- the mirror-
Please tell me how do I appear?
"You seem to be the happiest of all"-
Your smile says it all".

What defines Happiness?
Does a smile mean we are happy?
Does success guarantee happiness?
Or seeing others make us happy?
Oh! mirror please tell me-
What makes you say I am happy?

How can I be happy-
When I see others cry?
When someones gain-
Is Someelse'e pain,
How can just a smile-
Show that I am happy?


As the lightning strikes us
And the dark clouds cover the sun's rays
Gone will be my happiness
As I am gripped by the sadness
Oh! mirror how can you define Happiness-
That has such a short existense?

Happiness is nothing but a myth-
That makes us believe what we want to believe.
It is is just a consolation-
That makes us see what we want to see.
Oh! my friend mirror please tell me-
What makes you feel I am truly happy?