REALITY BITES: October 2008

LIFE- A FULL CIRCLE

19th October,2008
Sunday
12.45 A.M.

Enough of poems. Let me venture into the world of unknown. Let me try something new. Hope you appreciate my attempt……

Sometime back someone told me "Life is a full circle. You start from and finish at the same point.” I laughed at his philosophical thought. Who knew after a few days I would be writing an anecdote on it and would surely understand the weights of every word of the phrase? Let’s begin......

It all started in the 1st year 1st sem. There were only strangers around. It was a new world for me. Soon our 1st internal exams were over, results were out. An unexpected 200/250 made me happy after many days. I was again smiling after a long time. The marks had another very special significance too. It brought with it a special gift--A FRIEND. A small tap on the back, a gentle smile and a simple word "CONGRATS".This turned a stranger to friend.

I do not know why or how soon the stranger became a friend. There were many questions unanswered-- What made me think the stranger could be my friend? What made me talk to her? Why did i smile when I saw my stranger turned friend? WHY???? I have no answer. May be I never thought on those lines. I only wanted to have a true friend and did not want to lose yet another friend. I wish I had given it one more thought. I only wish I had done that.

".....You are one of my closest friends. I share a lot of things with you.....", she said. Yes we soon became great friends. I trusted her and shared everything with her. She too reciprocated the same feelings. I was happy to be her friend, happy to help her whenever she needed it( hardly needed any help).....I was happy just to have her by my side. Thank you for being my "true friend".

Life is not a bed of roses. It has ups and downs. Mine was no different. Soon different shades of her character became prominent. And so did her priorities. It created differences......but I still tried to hold on to my friend. After all I remained indebted to her for making me smile again. Thus I never spoke out...I feared losing her. I always said to myself-" She is my friend. a great friend.....I trust her.....she can never go wrong.......I did not want to come out of the utopia. I wish I had acted a little carefully and come out of my dream.
As time flew at the rate of knots differences became more prominent. But I still consoled myself " this is temporary. Things are bound to improve. We will always remain the best of friends." I consoled myself “Things fall into place. That’s destiny".

But fortunately or unfortunately the situation did not improve........it worsened with every passing day. She had that same smile, same compassionate words but she was not the same person with whom I became friends. She was gradually becoming again the stranger. Her every action bore the testimony of her wanting to distance herself from me.........every time we talked to each other it seemed it was an obligation for her......it seemed she wanted to break free from the shackles of "FRIENDSHIP" But why did she do this? Had I changed over the period of two years? I had no answers. The worst part is she never said it. I asked her many times but she always created the same illusion-"I was her friend". I only expected her to be honest with me, then why did she not tell me that I was burden for her as a friend?? My inner soul told me "Move on Rakesh Come out of the utopia.U were never a friend.....you don’t deserve to be friend. I wish I had done that....but instead I trusted my friend more than myself. She said," Please give our friendship one more chance….. please…… please" How could I turn down her offer?? After all she was my closest friend. So I decided to take a different path......an unknown path.........a path that had no destination….a path that only had darkness at the end of the tunnel too.....but still it was my friend who wanted something

It was never the same old friendship as before. Though she always tried to portray the same old genuine friendship it was no longer the reality.....she had broken my trust, the reality was too harsh indeed...I could take it no more. I soon realized my mistake. She was never my friend, never trusted me and played with my emotions. Her smile veiled her true intentions. But why did she do this? What did she gain by playing with my emotions. Can someone please tell me why she broke my trust?? These questions remain unanswered till date.

It was now only a question of time before it was all over. And the auspicious day soon arrived. Third year, fifth sem., 1st internal exams were over...I was again standing right in front of her like in the first year, she smiled with the same innocence and spoke the same word she did two years back "CONGRATS"(for getting 170/250). That was the last time we spoke to each other in college. The same word, same smile that made a stranger a friend again made a so called friend a stranger. The cycle had been completed. The so called "FRIENDSHIP" Of two years completed its journey in the same beautiful way as it started. It was all over.

The friendship fell like a pack of cards. I had so many questions unanswered. Who will answer them?? I lost a friend (a true friend for me, but I was not even her friend). but why did this happen? Was I at fault? Why did she not come up to me and tell me that I was not fit to be her friend? Why was she not honest with me? Do I rightly deserve the pain, punishment agony for just trying to be a good friend of someone? Please someone speak out...please tell me where did I go wrong....Today my inner soul has no answers to my questions. I lost a battle against myself.

I know I need to move on and I will do so, but the wounds would never heal. It hurts immensely to lose a friend. Last but not the least Thank you STRANGER for wasting your precious time...thank you for teaching me a lesson that I will never forget. Thank you for trying to be a friend. Thanks a lot…….

P.S.:-All characters and incidents are completely imaginary.Resemblance to any person or incident is regretted .

THE LOSS

The warmth of the sun-
The serenity of the blue sky-
Made me feel at peace,
Gave me a reason to live,
Many warned me-
Of the trauma to follow,
But I did not fear because-
I thought happiness would always be there.

Soon the dark clouds veiled the sun-
And the lightning struck-
As the tranquility disappeared-
I stood there devastated,
One moment of devastation-
Shattered all my hopes and expectation,
Oh! what was my crime?
I only wanted to smile.

Today I find myself again-
Gripped by agony and pain.
I lost a battle-
Whose wounds would never heal,
As I see my hopes fall like a pack of cards-
All my confidence is shattered,
I stand helpless-
As I slowly embrace the world of loneliness.

Do you believe in honesty?
I believed in it.
Do you believe in loyalty?
I believed in it.
Do you believe in destiny?
I did not believe in it.
Why has destiny been so cruel to me?
Does my efforts have no value in front of destiny?

Oh! please someone help me-
Please tell me how can I be free-
Free from this unbearable pain,
That makes me cry all in vain.
I cannot take this suffocation-
Please let me out of this situation-
Please!Please!Please!
I want to be free.

REALITY BITES

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tuesday, October 14, 2008